Page 4

FILM

NEWS

This classic horror film features Granny Pyshderpants as

a possessed Grandmother who likes to flash her tits while she chainsaws the knotty parts off of clowns from a circus, but we warned...

this film is not for the faint hearted and it made me pee myself at least 4 times and I really think that I shat my pants, but

I can't be sure, because I always smell of shit. I would not recommend this film to clowns, because the sight off willies being chopped off is enough to make you want to RUN-AWAY from the circus, but if you are a sick or even sad, bastard, well I guess you will love this crap.

Hello again film lovers.

This time I would to start of with my revue of the new Stephan King horror film TIT

Film of the month

with Barry Nobman

Available now on iTunes

Amazon

Google

plus

most cool sites

Sponsors of the entertainment page

Hello, again darlings.

Candy here again with all the latest gossip from Hollynude

FINGER SNIFFING GOOD

Yes, sweetie's it's all the rage in the showbiz world: smell a star's finger. It is, according to

people in the know,

the latest health kick.

Instead of eating food

yourself and gaining

those unwanted pounds,

you can just ask one of

your hero's to stick their

finger up their bums and

give you a good old sniff

of the finger and you get

all the carbs you need.

Personally, I smell shite and I would much rather sniff and suck on a wet, greasy sausage. Oh! that makes me so horny and hungry.

Well Sweeties that's all the Gossip for now

KEITH RICHARDS

Speaking of health kicks, I want to know which

one Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards uses.

The old fart is looking younger every day.

Could it be the Richards diet, I mean if we see

Cliff, he's 120-years-old but doesn't look a day

over 20. Anyway whatever it is, I would like a

bucket load of.

luv Ya! Til next time

Candy Cummings xx

Meditate the Silly way

Introducing Guru Silly Putty and his new method of meditation that is taking Hollywood by storm.

Who is this nutjob?

Silly is known throughout Hollywood as a charlatan,

a fraud, a fake. But because all the big Hollywood stars swear by him, everyone is trying to get to one of his seminars or by his really expensive books, or incense sticks and other junk that are not worth shit.

Which Hollywood stars use him?

There are a host of Hollywood legends that have fallen for his words, take Sigourney Believer, Pratt Diman, Mark Wallyberg or even Huge Thickman are just a few gullible customers.

How does it work?

All you have to do is: sit on a chair, close your eyes, stick things up your nose and chant M O H R O N, while listening to his really expensive audio CD you have to purchase, it costs $3000 and although he insists he is chanting a mantra it is in fact sounds of him on the toilet after a night of drinking Guinness and eating curry. If you follow this pattern, you will, according to Silly be transported to new heights. Yep new heights of naïvity

How much does it cost?

All in all far too fucking much. Apart from the aforementioned CD, you can follow a course of pooping the silly way, which in fact sounds very similar to his meditation CD

So our advice is. If you're a hopelessly gullible moron...go for it, it is worth every penny, for more information visit his website, just click on the photo below.

Homeless Harry's Joke of the month

Man walks into a bar and sees there's a giraffe lying on the floor, so he asks the barman.

"what's that lying here for?"

the barman answers, "that's no lion, it's a giraffe."

Man with wet runny nose should take head out of the toilet

CLEOPITERPATER EXHIBITION

From today until the end of July The Foddleburg Museum of Old Crap will be hosting the Cleopiterpater exhibition.

All the gossip of the problems during her marriage to Julius Ceasarsalad and her threesome affair with Mark and Tony.

This story puts all your TV soaps to shame.

Plus all her pet stuffed snakes and sandals.

Not to be missed and with an admission fee of €10 you will also receive coffee and snakes

The Foddleburg Museum of Old Crap open daily 10.00 to 14.00

Blinded by the humour

with Stevie, Ray & friends

EDITOR's NOTE

When writing the Fools Funnybone, I always try and be as original as possible. Some photos I've borrowed, but the humour is my own. I do not write this tabloid to disrespect anyone or their religion, dreams or way of life; it is just how I see things. I will always try to keep it free for everyone; all I ask is you help me out by sharing the links and publicity ads.

Thank you for your support

Is your life dull? Are you stuck in a rut?

Then why not sell your soul at Satan's Health club and get the life and body you desire

No questions asked
Includes full after-lifetime membership
Your own personal sauna
Personal supervision from the Devil himself
All we ask for is dedication & your soul

So come on down for a hell of a time

Call Satan today on his toll free number 666

IT'S TOTALLY

Boobs, Farts and Barfs. Foddleburg 2 9.00 Monday evening

The reality show from the U. S. of A. Seriously spontanious and in no way pre- meditated. Follow the workers on this cowboy ranch, who fornicate, eat beans and drink lots of cow urine and fuck, fart and screw their way through a day on the farm. So if you have nothing better to do next Monday, why not tune in and waste 30 minutes of your life, watching this American garbage

Tony's rating:

Hand of Nothing: Solitary Confinement

Personal wanted

Shit shoveler for working 7 days a week at the Diarrhoea House for people that are scared to fart. Wages are crap and the hours are shit.

But work is work, ya lazy bastards.

Personal offered

Really really boring man offerzzzzzzzz ...sorry...offers his servicezzzzzzz... cough! for people zzzzzzz with inzzzomnia... phone William Winkie Jr. 215zzzzzzzzz

For Sale

Free to anybody, one really horny guide dog, who will shag you at any time of day and night and he hates being told what to do. Tel nr. 000 666

Wanted

Man with an enormous willy to help pick up peanuts at the peanut factory

send email to peanutwilly@nutspeanuts.com with your CV

Courses

Learn 'Procrastinating the correct way and learn to do fuck all and not give a shit about feeling like the lazy bastard that you are (see the add here below)

Family Photo's

Everytime we feature the twins of happy people. This time single mum Else Wankstain would like you to meet her pair.

Albums available for Download from

The Fools Funnybone is an idea and created by Zeek Catweazle for Zeek Productions at the Tight Fisted Cheapo Studios, Alkmaar, the Netherlands.

Published by Dodgy Bastards Promotions, Dundee, Scotland.

Some photos were borrowed, but the humour, the design and the concept:

You can contact The Fools Funnybone via the form below or email mail@thefoolsfunnybone.com

Do you have a funny advertisement, email it to us, but don't forget to add 'advertisement' as the subject.

Do you tips or ideas or a funny advertisement, that you think is silly enough for the Fools Funnybone, send it to the email, but don't forget to add 'advertisement' 'story' or 'idea' as the subject.

If you would like to be included in one of the stories, send an email with 'include me' as the subject, but don't come crying to us, if you don't like the story.

Anyone wanting to complain about the Fools Funnybone...just FUCK OFF and go watch your crap TV programmes. this is made for people with a different sense of humour

VERY SPECIAL THANKS . . .

I honestly can't thank Len and Ýes it hurts' crew and Solange for sponsoring this and my other projects.

Thanks to the brother for putting up with me. To Karel and Nel for helping me out.

Also to everyone who shares or promote this and any of my projects on Facebook, Twitter or any other social sites, especially Pamela Gapes and Eric Addison.

My friends, in this time of society people in the arts, need your assistance, it does not have to be a lot every bit helps and I thank you